There seem to be more weddings on Valentine’s Day than any other day of the year. I’m not relying on any statistics when I say that. I haven’t done any research, and I haven’t even made a count of the cases my office handles. It just seems that fairly often I handle the dissolution of a marriage that occurred on a February 14. The romance of a Valentine’s Day wedding seems to be irresistible to some couples planning their nuptials, and for this reason, I believe a disproportionate number of weddings occur on this day every year.Getting divorced on Valentine’s Day? That’s another story. Nobody seems to want to file their divorce or to have it finalized on Valentine’s Day. This is a day that is supposed to be all about love and romance, right? So how could a person possibly want to get divorced on this day?  My question is, does this attitude make any sense? Why shouldn’t people get divorced on Valentine’s Day? By the time it comes to divorce, surely the romantic feelings between husband and wife are a thing of the distant past, aren’t they? To them, isn’t Valentine’s Day just another day of the year? Any romantic feelings must now be directed toward a new love interest, no?
As I’ve contemplated this a little, I’ve come to believe that despite all the problems that can occur during a marriage, despite all the reasons every person who files for divorce can list to explain why their marriage is ending, when it does finally end it is still a significant loss.
Several times I have seen a female client’s reaction the moment she becomes divorced or learns that her divorce is final. The reaction is certainly not what I expected as a young lawyer when I handled my first divorce. I expected my client to be happy it was over — to be relieved. I thought I would see a smile. Instead, tears.
It’s not that she still wants to be married to a man who has been emotionally abusive over the years. It’s not that he wants to continue a marriage with a woman who repeatedly cheats on him. It’s not that at all. She knows the divorce was what she needed to do to save herself before the last shred of self esteem was taken away from her. He knows he needs to move on with his life. But the finality of ending a relationship that WAS originally based on love is a sad realization. The union that they thought would be forever is no more.
So yes, I get it. Valentine’s Day is a day people always want to associate with love and happiness. They don’t want to think of February 14 as the day they got divorced, no matter how they feel about the PERSON they are divorcing.
Copyright © 2011 by Scoresby Family Law – J. Kyle Scoresby, P.C. All rights reserved.